


Of All the Gin Joints in all the Universe

by FaceofMer



Series: The Tiphys Chronicles [3]
Category: Doctor Who, Torchwood
Genre: Action/Adventure, Aliens, Epic Bromance, Past Relationship(s), Rescue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-13
Updated: 2013-09-13
Packaged: 2017-12-26 10:42:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/965008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FaceofMer/pseuds/FaceofMer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Captain John Hart swanning into Jack's life always makes things more interesting.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of All the Gin Joints in all the Universe

River sat across from Jack, sipping a glass of wine and watching the rest of the bar. The crowd was mostly human, but a few other species dotted the room. Her smile brightened as a blonde man walked in. Jack raised an eyebrow and turned to see what had grabbed her attention and went pale. "Oh God."

The blonde man gave a feral grin as he flounced over and slipped into an empty seat between them. "Jack!"

"John," he said with a wince.  

"So you know each other," grinned River. 

"Oh we do, but he never mentioned you." John picked up her hand with a dramatic flourish to kiss it.

River watched him with a knowing smile as he kissed every inch of her fingers and then let them fall. “I’ll take the ring back, thank you.” She held out her hand expectantly, palm up. 

Grinning, John took the ring out of his mouth and placed it in her open hand.

Looking at the pair, Jack raised his hand for the waiter. He lifted his half-empty glass. “Get me a double.”

John leaned over. "If you wanted a double, Jack..."

River laughed. "Oh Jack I _like_ him."

Jack threw back the rest of his drink. “You can _have_ him,” he spat.

Undeterred, John leaned over and put a hand on Jack’s thigh. “Come now, more than enough to share,” he said with a suggestive wag of his eyebrows.

Jack pulled away. “You’re wearing the lip gloss.”

“Come on, not like you’d stay dead very long,” John purred.

River raised an eyebrow. “He does know you. What brand do you use?”

John turned back to her, intrigued. “Paranthian. What do you use?”

“I find Halver’s does a better job.”

“Really? I don’t think that moisturizes as well…”

Jack took their animated discussion over types and brands of paralytic lips gloss as a chance to escape to the bar and see about that drink.

Suddenly an explosion knocked Jack clean off his feet. Coughing in the sudden dust, he sat up and glared at John over the sounds of sirens and alarms.

“Not me,” said John, making his way over to help Jack up.

River had her blaster and devil-may care grin out. “Let’s go see what the fuss is about.”

Jack nodded and shook John off, pulling out his own gun. They moved against the crowd heading for the escape pods or their ships. Jack was aware of John trailing behind, but there were bigger things to worry about. “Damn,” he muttered, catching a glimpse of a tall gray creature as he started around a corner, then pulled back. “Lurgans,” he said, looking at River and John.

Lurgans were eight foot tall, gray and looked vaguely human, but were known as the species with one of the worst tempers in this galaxy. Evidently they’d targeted this space station. Could be any number of reasons why.

River looked at the men. “Lurgans have a strong command structure. Take out the leader and the rest should leave. The leader usually wears a distinctive collar.”

“Kinky,” smiled John.

Jack rolled his eyes at John. “What are you doing here anyway?”

“Helping.” He gestured with his guns.

Jack looked to River with eyes that clearly said _I can’t believe I’m doing this_. “Might as well let him tag along,” said River. “Assuming he can handle those guns.”

“I’m very good at handling guns,” smiled John slowly. “This one time Jack and I…”

“Stop,” growled Jack. “Rampaging Lurgans, remember?” He gestured with his gun and led the way around the corner into the now empty corridor, gun pointed straight down the center while John pointed left and River right. It was a little strange, letting John behind him with a loaded weapon on purpose, but at least he trusted River.

They moved down the corridor carefully. “So, do you two have a team name?” asked John blithely, despite the danger.

“No,” grumbled Jack.

“Can we be Bikini Corps then?”

River chuckled. “Only if we all wear bikins.”

John grinned. “You should see Jack in a…”

“ _John_ ,” Jack hissed. “If you don’t shut up one or both of us is going out the nearest airlock.”

“Now, now, Captain.” River tutted, moving a little closer to Jack.

John rubbed up against River. “I’m a Captain too you know.”

“I bet the ranks were grateful,” River smiled at him.

“Oh you have no idea.”

Jack gritted his teeth, but before he could say anything else two Lurgans came around the corner. They went down before there was even a chance to take aim. The three shared a glance and separated as they reached an intersection and some debris. Jack shifted some debris and moved a little further down the corridor. Five Lurgans came out from a side corridor. River and John flattened against the wall as one of them shouted at Jack.

Jack raised his hands. “Take me to your leader?”

John looked at River as they carted Jack off. “Suppose it’s up to us to save the princess then.”

Smiling, River checked her gun. “My favorite part.”

They moved together in the direction the Lurgans had taken Jack. John glanced at River. “Been together long?”

“Long enough. And no, I haven’t slept with him.”

He was surprised. “Really?”

“Really.”

John looked down the corridor, quiet for a moment. “Probably best you don’t.”

River nodded and then gave him a sharp slap on the rear. “He’ll owe you after this.”

A pained look crossed John’s face, quickly gone. “He doesn’t owe me a damn thing. Let’s go get him.”

**

Jack looked up at the tall Lurgan, hands cuffed in front of him. “Hate to tell you this, but you’re not really my type.” He was standing against a counter in a dining area the Lurgans had evidently taken as a staging area. The leader was holding a gun.

He looked down imperiously. “You are the human called Jack Harkness.”

“That’s _Captain_ Jack Harkness. Blew a hole in a station just for me?”

“The rewards are great,” the Lurgan rumbled, turning to give orders to the others. Jack knew River and John would be along, just had to buy some time.

“I’ve been getting the feeling someone’s after me. Again. Wouldn’t be the first time, or the last.”

“There are few records of you,” the Lurgan leader turned back to Jack, eyeing him.

“Prefer to keep it that way.” Jack leaned back against the counter, testing how sturdy it was.

“You are just a human,” scoffed the leader.

Jack gave one of his winning smiles. “Maybe so.” There was gunfire in the corridor. The leader turned to give orders and Jack kicked him hard in the vicinity of his knees. The leader stumbled but turned and raised his gun.

“If I can’t have the reward, no one will.” He fired.

John came first though the door, sending the Lurgan leader’s brains splattering across the floor a moment too late to save Jack. The other Lurgans looked, then turned and fled. John hurried to Jack’s side. River walked after, keeping her gun up and making sure they were truly safe.

Dropping to one knee, John wiped his mouth and cradled Jack’s head, cupping his cheek. River looked away as John leaned down to kiss Jack tenderly.

Jack woke with a gasp, pulling away from John. “Well it was the only way you’d let it happen,” smiled John with a cocky grin.

Studying his face a moment, Jack suddenly pulled John down and kissed him hard before shoving him away and unsteadily climbing to his feet.

“I’m sure John would prefer to keep you in the cuffs a while longer, but here’s the key,” said River, going to unlock him.

Jack dropped the cuffs clattering to the ground. “Someone is still after us. Or at least me.”

“Sounds like we better shove off then,” said River, glancing at John. “I’ll go get the ship ready.”

River started to go, but John put a hand on her arm.

“Take care of him, River.” River looked between the two of them and nodded.

Jack collected his pistol and walked towards the door. “See you around,” he told John.

“Yep.” John turned away and started rolling the dead Lurgan’s for valuables. River followed Jack down the corridor, wondering once again about Jack’s past.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Much thanks to awabubbles for the beta.
> 
> You can find me at [merindab.tumblr.com.](http://merindab.tumblr.com/)


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